Sak Shibboleth

(Some random dumped a big load of “don’t you know who I am” on me in a blog comments thread. I didn’t know who that person was. I googled them, and now I do, and so I wrote this game)

You are Sak Shibboleth, some-time writer of games and game-related content. Your transatlantic flight, where you have 3 seats booked up-front for you and your ego-sac, is hijacked. Angry feminists have kidnapped you to take you to the Total Perspective Vortex.

Someone is standing at the entrance to The Vortex. It’s The Guardian of The Vortex, who is…

1: Fan (1hp)
2-6: Accusor (10hp)
7: Insane genius publisher/magician/skeptic Gems Raggedi (100hp)
8-12: Someone who gives Zero Fucks  (2323hp)

After defeating The Guardian you enter The Total Pespective Vortex.
Hearing a pop behind you, you look back to see that the inflated sac of an ego you’ve been dragging around on its own wheel, the sac painfully attached to your rectum at birth, which has been spewing insane doses of black bile into your body all your life, has snagged on the entrance and is bursting. You take d12 explosive damage + 2d12 dark substance damage.
3d12 Formorians (hp23) clamber out of your deflated ego sac and attack immediately. When killed, a purple light rises from their stomach to their throat and then envelops them. They begin to shudder, like a washing machine gone for a walk. d3 seconds later they explode, causing d6 damage to all within 23′.
If you defeat them, you enter the vortex, realise how insignificant you really are in the scale of things, and gradually become a nicer person.
Any similarity with people alive or dead or imaginary is purely coincidental.







3 responses to “Sak Shibboleth”

  1. Jim Barter Avatar

    …I attack the nearest Formorian with my pointy stick…

  2. humphreyswill Avatar

    I re-inflate my ego-sac

  3. Krisse "Aappena" Tuominen Avatar

    I honestly LOLLED very loudly for this.
    Good parody text and satire, I mean an excellent mini game that is totally unrelated to the reality.

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